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"Really big people are, above everything else, courteous, considerate and generous--not just to some people in some circumstances--but to everyone all the time." - Thomas J. Watson, Sr.
Quite simply, I don't understand those who mix an argument with insult. I have been known to, on occasion, cave and resort to it, but only usually in person. When you are in a situation in which you must think on and write your words, one cannot so easily lose their head, meaning that insults on the internet are purposeful, despite their pointlessness.
Of course, the intent usually is to insult the person that the insulter is writing, but to what end, I wonder? Any long-term internet user can easily blow off something said to them which is less than kind over the internet, as it happens all the time. One can assume quite easily that he who resorts to insults versus debate is a fool, and a fool's word is meaningless. And yet it persists, and people are hurt for it, and so forth.
I have just begun reading Vernor Vinge's "True Names", though the edition which is subtitled 'and the opening of the cyberspace frontier'; as such I haven't actually started the story, and am working through the opening essays. I have just read Timothy C. May's article 'True Nyms and Crypto Anarchy", and realize that an aspect of it (the part about True Nyms, at least... the security and cryptography aspect lost me a bit as it didn't fall so much within my range of interest) applies very well to the concept of this blog post, which I had been mulling in my head for the better part of the day.
Many of us do not use our "true name"--by which I mean our birth or legal names--on the internet. There are those that do, but even they usually have an alias which they will occasionally use. I, and many others, have had interaction over time with a number of people who I addressed by legal name and by pseudonym on the internet. No matter which they use, they can earn my respect, dependent on their ideas and words. Just because people don't use their legal names online does not make them any less real of a person; in fact, behind every pseudonym is a real person.
The amount of flaming I see on the internet is at times staggering. I would assume these people wouldn't outright bash others in person, so why on the internet? It is rarely useful and almost always ineffective. Why waste the time? But when it is intermingled with what could actually be a cohesive and quality argument, I am simply disheartened. Good debate is hard these days as a result of the acceptance of flaming on the internet. Often someone will interject with a pointless insult which deteriorates the entirety of the conversation, leaving nothing but waste. If people who have something to say were cautious enough to choose their words as they would in speech, everyone would be bettered for it. How they don't, when writing their words, is beyond me.
Perhaps they are just discourteous. Perhaps they wander around the streets insulting folk on the way they look or act or speak, and I wish them a miserable existence as a result. I'll interject my own thought with a memory, although I doubt this person was of solid mental health; just the other day I was walking down the street with some friends when an old man walked straight through the middle of our group saying out loud something along the lines of "fuck you, you fuckers". It was entirely uncalled for and didn't really make sense, so we looked at each other when he was out of range and burst out laughing.
This story illustrates my point; insulting and flaming online is nothing but amusing to those you cast it at. We all have strong enough defenses in place that your words, when not thought out, are wasted. If you truly want to make a point, a stand, or an attack, you require well thought out words and arguments, and leave the insults out of it as they only weaken your stance.
In the end, people will do as they do, but I can't help but worry about the quality of "cyberspace" in the future years as people only get more accepting of the negative YouTube comment or flame war or personal attack online, in a world which is becoming more and more online each day. Technological advancement is suppose to breed intelligence, not deteriorate courtesy. Of course: "Intelligence and courtesy not always are combined; often in a wooden house a golden room we find." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. It is my belief that intelligence breeds better behavior on account of one's capability of benefit analysis, but time will have to tell on the matter of people hurling insults at each other online.
Some background. Last night I forced onto myself a demand; that I would not indulge in the tomfoolery of Twitter, Facebook, and MSN until I accomplished a short list of things to accomplish. I had come to the conclusion in conversation with a friend that I have been entirely wasting my time of late. Now, understand, my values are still the same; video games, watching television, and entertainment in general is not a waste of time in my opinion. I have not even been doing those things, lately. All I do is nothing, utilizing the internet to pass time, and I had to put a stop to that. Twittering my non-events all day is not a remotely good use of time. And so, I put forth a conditional on when I would next be allowed to use Twitter (and similar devices of time-wasting); that I would revamp the Inheritance ruleset on http://www.pbpgames.com and add a bazaar, that I would do my laundry, that I would do 100 sit-ups. Most of this doesn't require much effort and I would have done them anyway, most likely (except for the sit-ups. At risk of going off on a tangent, can I just say, wow. I am seriously out of shape. I will need to rectify this).
I'm happy to report that the experiment of self-motivation was a success. It took a lot longer than I expected on account of numerous interruptions, but it was completed nonetheless. (Regarding those interruptions, I can clearly see why I'm so out of shape; so long as I'm in this house, I will continue to have food shoved down my throat, and without exercise it has nowhere to go. Twice in three hours I was called to the kitchen for food. I need to leave this place). So while lying in bed I began sorting out priorities and desires and organizing in my sleepy haze what I would like to get done in the near future. And instead of just falling asleep, I wrote them down so that I could look at them today.
One thing that went rolling through my head was the idea I had last year to write a book talking about my beliefs and ideas about the world and humanity. It was originally to be entitled "The Meaning of Life", but because of my sleepy state, I was more playful in my head and thought about calling it "Meaning of Life, The." It was this breaking of the naming convention that lead me to remember a thought I had when I was young.
In grade school, particularly around grade four, it got into my head that I would like to be an author. However, for whatever reason, I had believed I would need a pseudonym. "Jason Kaplan" isn't a very good author's name, I had thought, but perhaps I could go by my middle name, and be "Philip Kaplan" when writing. (Surely this was influenced by the shared name between myself and Philip Pullman, author of the His Dark Materials Trilogy). So while I was thinking about the book title last night, I began thinking about how I would sign my name for a book that I wrote; would I follow the advice of my grade four self?
I began envisioning the possibilities. Now, I still think "Jason Kaplan" makes for a lousy author's name, and selling oneself is as important as anything in the world. In my letterheads and resume and anything official, I usually self-refer as "Jason P. Kaplan". In fact, I have done so for such a long time that when I thought about "Philip Kaplan" again last night, I was so disassociated from the name Philip that I was temporarily confused. Like "Homer J. Simpson", the "P" had become my middle name, standing for nothing but itself.
That element--the disassociation from a name I've had since birth--is what I wanted to talk about in this post. Names, and the self. Over the course of years I have been referred to as Jason, I have been referred to as Kaplan, and I have been referred to as a multitude of nicknames based off those names. But I have never been called Philip, or Phil--the thought that either of those names could have equally well been used as a referential of my self is alien--but if my first and middle name had been switched, then I would be having this thought about the name Jason rather than Philip. Would I still be the same person, the same me? Or would someone who became a close friend of mine when young have thought Philip a stupid name, insulted me, and become an enemy instead, altering the entire course of my life?
While I know that in and of themselves names aren't important--if we'd always called an apple a guitar and a guitar an apple we wouldn't think it weird to say "eating a guitar" or "playing an apple"--there is just as obviously an effect in how we address things. If my dog's name was Demon instead of Angel (as accurate as it would be), people would be a lot more cautious when meeting her, even if the intentions behind the name were initially pure. But would Philip in place of Jason have any effect? It's hard to say, but I'm interested in experimenting with introducing myself in the future as Philip to see how things play out.
To conclude my thoughts from last night, I eventually played with "J. P. Kaplan" and "J. Philip Kaplan", jotted the latter one down, and fell asleep. Today, I'm not sure how I feel about any of it, and should I actually write a book I will probably go with "Jason P. Kaplan", since it's the official name I relate to the most and I would relish in the popularity associated with my name rather than fear it and thus hide behind a (albeit weak) pseudonym.
For those curious, I likely will be self-imposing internet lock-down on myself again to accomplish even more (though, I will tone down the physical exertion aspects, work my way back up). The things that I intend to accomplish? Well, as JET didn't work out I was thinking about going back to school. I have to decide if I wish to do that and if so, where and for what, otherwise I need to get some applications out there pronto. I'd like to get some writing done, be it "Meaning of Life, The." or any of my science fiction ideas. I'd also like to get PBP Games up and running, which involves some work on my end, not the least of which is affiliation and spreading the word. And of course, I need to start dealing with my physical health and exercise before it's too late.
"Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers." - Unknown
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child, listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn't haves, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me. Anything can happen child. Anything can be." - Shel Silverstein
I don't really know how to start this post, so I'll just jump right into it. I got a rejection letter from JET today, meaning I will not be teaching ESL in Japan come the end of the summer for a year, and consequently, the chance to extend that experience for a further two years is also lost. Well, they don't know what they're missing. But this puts me in a problematic situation. Anyway, I didn't cry when I got the letter, though I admit I wanted to. I didn't hit anything or break anything, though I very much wanted to do that. I strapped Angel to her leash, left the house, and walked, until the cold numbed this surprise and I was comfortable facing this new consideration.
As I walked, I began to change my view of this. JET, while something I really wanted to do for certain reasons, was always a double-edged sword. The pay was good and the job was easy, and I have a large interest in Japan, but it meant I would be away from my dog for 1-3 years, I would be away from my friends, and I wouldn't really have anything to come back to. Particularly after seeing the "Marley & Me" movie last night, the though of leaving my dog--which would effectively turn her into my father's dog as he replaced me entirely as her master--was particularly hard, and I'm glad to no longer need to concern myself with that. Though, if I'm not going to Japan then I really need to move out, downtown or something, and I don't really know if Angel will work in an apartment, so that's not entirely lost as a future issue.
Leaving my friends, while not quite as large-scale an issue as leaving my dog (on account of they can use the internet, one-to-three years isn't a substantial amount of their remaining lifetime, and they aren't so easily conditioned to forget me and change entirely while I'm gone), is still something which would sadden me. I only consider a small group of people my friends, and the tides of time are already sweeping them away from me. Given a few years, forget it, they could be everywhere; I would have been in Japan! I'm glad, then, that I'll be able to stay with them so that my few important friendships don't dissolve even more than they already have.
Most importantly, JET would not give me any relevant skills for my "occupation". It's not too late that I couldn't change what I end up doing in my life, but I went to school for computers and it's likely that I will end up doing that in some domain as my occupation, and JET doesn't give me any skills to take away and bring to that table. If I can actually find a job in this city with this economy at this time, then the time I would have otherwise spent in Japan will become a stepping stone to my future career, rather than leaving me in an even worse state when I returned. Of course, I haven't been looking for a job lately and when I did after graduation I had almost no luck, so I don't know how this will pan out. But, hopefully I can turn this problem into an opportunity which will better me in the long run.
It is truly unfortunate that I put all my emotional and expectational stock into JET, on account of now I am left with nothing. I didn't actually ever think I wouldn't get into JET--I know I'd be great for it, so I'm still a little confused as to why I didn't--and so I don't have a job, or much money saved up, or a plan. Now, I wouldn't call JET a four-leaf clover, in regards to the second quote--the lottery might be, which you know I also put stock in--but it was a little too-good-to-be-true of a situation and as such, I'm a little overwhelmed by reality. I know I shouldn't continue to invest emotionally in these fantasies, but I can't help but hope... tomorrow's lottery drawing is $33M, and it would be a very considerate balancing act from the universe if I win that, at least in part, in exchange for not getting my temporary dream job. Still, I recognize that, without JET approaching, I can't just play the lottery and get money from my parents and put off everything. It's time to get a job, even if the 6/49 jackpot is $33M (please, universe, daddy needs a future), so that if I am let down again I actually have something substantial.
But I'm not yet an unbeliever. Sure, JET didn't work out. Sure, I haven't won the lottery in the two and a half years I've been playing it. Sure, I am in a slightly problematic place right now. But anything can yet happen. You may recall I applied for a trip called Birthright this past summer, and didn't get into that, either. Until two weeks beforehand, when they called me saying that someone dropped out and there was room and if I would still like to go I could. So, sustaining a healthy amount of skepticism, I don't discount to possibility of JET changing it's mind. And I certainly am not about to give up my theoretical chance at winning a big jackpot. It's simply time that I stop slacking off and relying on these things, and start doing something in the meanwhile, regardless of what the future might bring. Aside from work itself, there's no harm in it, so I might as well. It will also get me out there, and I know I need that; I haven't met someone new in a good couple years. And even if I can't find work or something to do in the world, I have a number of projects in my head that if I properly worked on something might come to fruition; I just need to invest myself in them. So, a week after my 23rd birthday, twice that long before that since the new year, here I am yet again contemplating past and future, but this time, I know I need to shape it with my own hands. It's now or never.
So I had meant to get to this yesterday, but the day got away from me. Ah, what's one day. For that matter, what's one year? As the new year and my birthday fall rather close together, I often find myself very pensive--or, when in a positive mood, just thoughtful--about the progressions of years and time and so on and so forth. Twenty-three is by no means a special year--as in, it's not a decade marker, or something like that--and this is no different in my case. I spent the day doing little, and went out to see my friends' band at night (which was a great time).
Really, I'm just grasping an opportunity of potential meaning to blog, as day to day life doesn't provide me with nearly enough material to blog regularly. But I'm not having much in the way of new thoughts on this occasion, versus the new year, in regards to these events. There is other things on my mind, though.
One such thing, which I can't go into huge detail in right here, is that I discovered yesterday how truly susceptible people are to false information. I find this both perplexing and disturbing. Primarily, I don't understand how someone can look at information and come to the wrong conclusion; or in the absence of all the information, can make an informed decision without looking into it properly. But then, my larger concern is that if others do it--and it happens often--how often am I doing it? Surely some of my beliefs are just wrong, but hopefully just the trivial ones.
On the topic of beliefs and age, I found myself thinking of transhumanism and life extension, particularly Aubrey de Grey's 'Strategies for Engineered Negligible Senescence' technique, or SENS. I can't remember why it came to mind at the time, but it's a very interesting concept (from a very interesting man) and I encourage you to take a look at it if you get the chance.
My beliefs, though they may be more appropriate labeled as desires, haven't been of much thought to me lately. I did a lot of thinking about transhumanism, atheism, the Singularity, and related topics last year at school, and have just been sort of accepting of that more recently, regurgitating the words and information I know off-hand when people ask me questions. I have just recently watched Bill Maher's 'Religulous', and while my beliefs are by no means religious, it is probably time to reevaluate myself and reaffirm my beliefs and understandings of them, particularly given my concern of the day, of being swayed by falsehoods. (Since I've mentioned it; Religulous was a fantastic film that I highly recommend you check out. Now.)
Of course, I find myself strangely busy despite having nothing to do, spending time with people or doing things, that doesn't leave me much time or energy to go soul-searching. I would really like to win the lottery in the near future so that I can, comfortable knowing that I'm set up and don't need to worry about anything, go into complete seclusion for some time to work things out (and hopefully come out for the better). That, or live a life of delicious hedonism.
I'm easy like that.
We all know how trivial the particular day of the year changeover is; January 1st rarely feels very different from December 31st. But as society celebrates this new year's day, and as our calender system is arranged as thus, one often finds that this event is a good time to look back, look forward, and contemplate change.
The year 2008 was both eventful and trying, though at the same time very lacking in real accomplishments. As last December I built my gaming rig, I have spent more time playing video games this year than ever before. Factor in that I have not been in school, nor employed, since May, and consider that all that free time was spent gaming; I played a lot of games. I have tried my hand at writing reviews and found that dull. I have, much more recently, began recording video reviews, and find that much more interesting. I hope to make this a more regular thing in my gaming days, and get better at it to not be quite so embarrassed by the whole thing (I am NOT a public speaker by nature).
But despite logging more gaming hours than ever before, there were a number of large and life-altering events. I graduated from university in the spring. I traveled, and made more new friends than I have since first year university. There were also losses. Babs, a family cat that I can remember being present in my life for almost all of it, passed away over the summer. Moving away from Kingston put me out of touch with many friends. While full of new events, the year also involved some steps backwards. Moving back into my family's home was one such step backwards. But as a result, I have become far more social and gotten over much of my hermitude, in order to escape the family home and parental rule. Changes for both the positive and negative were abundant this year, moreso than many of the previous years.
I knew going into university in '04 that, as an '08 grad, it would be a big year. And while it has been, there has not been as much forward movement a perhaps there should have been. I have not yet begun my future career, and have begun questioning if it is really something I can see myself doing for the rest of the foreseeable future. I began contemplating many choices and options, and started making new, adventurous plans. On such noteworthy aspect of the year was my recent application to the JET Programme, which could put me in Japan by the latter half of 2009. If I don't get accepted, then it truly will be time to begin the painstaking process of working full time, lest I return to the education system. I can't yet see what 2009 will bring--shocker!--but it will be another year full of change and forward movement, of this I have no doubt.
So to all of you, I hope you had a good 2008, a happy holidays, and a good new year, and may your desires and dreams all come true.
